


The Care & Feeding Of Unicorns

by Icarus



Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: Humor, M/M, Magic, Medium Length, Romance, icarus - Freeform, unicorn, virgin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-25
Updated: 2008-11-25
Packaged: 2017-10-02 03:22:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icarus/pseuds/Icarus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin wondered what Arthur knew of unicorn lore, but the glint in Arthur's eyes as he glanced from Merlin to the unicorn answered that. Arthur's smile became a warm smirk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Care & Feeding Of Unicorns

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Lavvyan and Amothea for the beta review, and my Arthurian Legends class for everything else.

Gaius had the bestiary opened to a beautifully illustrated picture of a unicorn. Naturally, it looked very little like the beast currently pacing the royal paddock. The one that wouldn't touch hay, or grain, or anything else for that matter. Leave it to Gwen to not only see such a creature, but to entice it home so she could show it to her friends. She was none too pleased at what had happened next. The king had insisted the unicorn was far too valuable an animal to be kept by the daughter of a blacksmith.

Merlin sighed. It was safer in the royal paddock, he supposed.

He leaned over Gaius' shoulder. "Any luck?"

Gaius blinked up with rheumy, tired eyes. "I'm afraid no one has ever successfully captured—let alone fed—a unicorn before."

"It must eat something." Merlin turned the book towards himself. Nope. A real unicorn didn't have a goat's beard, and it was decidedly more horse-like, if delicate and small.

Gaius heaved a sigh. "The trouble is, the grooms can't get anywhere near it to test the various herbs I hope will sustain it."

"You mean--?"

"Most of them are married, Merlin."

"Yes, but not all." Merlin chuckled.

"I need someone that the unicorn won't fear." Gaius gave him a pointed look.

"Well, I've certainly had my share of experiences...." Merlin began, puffing his chest.

The look remained steady. And unblinking.

Merlin's shoulders slumped and he admitted, "Oh, all right. But if it shies away, then will you believe me?"

"If it shies away from you then clearly we will have to find a maiden," Gaius said without looking at Merlin, gazing down at the text.

"Well, it doesn't like Morgana," Merlin observed.

Gaius turned around to face Merlin full on, and stared, bug-eyed. "You should take great care where you repeat that information."

Merlin blinked at him, lips pursed. "What? I'm always careful. Besides, I like Morgana."

"That's a relief." Gaius measured out a selection of herbs into a pail. "I've seen noble ladies ruined for less."

He handed Merlin the pail which smelled like.... "Savory and chamomile flowers?" Merlin offered brightly.

That earned him a surprised smile. Gaius tipped his head in acknowledgement. "You're learning. I'll want to know the rest of contents by the time you return," he ordered, with a little quirk of a sardonic smirk at the corner of his mouth.

Merlin wilted. He swung the pail as he left with a roll of his eyes, thinking that he should have known Gaius would turn it into extra homework.

He sniffed the pail as he made his way through the arched hallways of the castle, not daring to touch the contents for fear the unicorn might not eat it afterward. But somehow he had a gut feeling this wouldn't work. He trundled down the stair, dodging quickly under the great iron chandelier in the flagstone-paved main hall. That thing always made his bones ache, although steel was all right. The other servants ignored him as he took a right and then left towards the side corridor leading to the stables. He first week as Arthur's manservant he'd been perpetually late just from getting lost.

He sniffed the pail again. Possibly rosemary, he thought, and... oh. Rose petals. That was an easy one.

Gaius was ridiculous to think Merlin would gossip about Morgana. Even if he didn't like her, which he certainly did, he had a fairly good idea who she'd been with, and he was completely loyal to Arthur.

He passed the hissing sound of a griddle in the kitchens, the head cook yelling at a scullery maid. The sound of chopping and pounding made it sound like they were building a new wing rather than making supper.

Of course, Morgana was Uther Pendragon's ward, but it wasn't as if she and Arthur were related or anything. And if there were anyone she could trust to keep silent, it was Arthur.

In the massive stone fireplaces a dozen cooks were stirring huge vats of sweet, sticky goo, reducing the preserves. It was that time of year. Merlin used to help his mum. Now he merely had to sit back and enjoy the bounty of berries at every meal. The scent of meat pies also wafted over to him, and a good dozen were laid out on a tray by the ovens—the castle never lacked for food—but he passed on the idea of snitching one. Though he did know a spell that would mock the appearance of a pie until it was bumped or someone came too close. Maybe he'd try it on the way back. No doubt the unicorn would object to the smell of meat.

Merlin passed through the wide door, designed for two horses abreast, which was kept open in the daytime despite the cool autumn air.

Outside under the sun, he blinked, eyes adjusting. He took a hard left and swung past the guard to the royal stables. He smiled brightly at the guard, who ignored him. He couldn't get used to that; he thought if he were an invader he'd dress in the livery of the servants. The thought disturbed him as he realized its plausibility. He unhooked the gate to the innermost courtyard.

Anyway, Merlin didn't blame them. Arthur and Morgana that was.

All right, he was a little bit jealous, but he wouldn't deny them, not even in his imagination.

Merlin held up the pail to the head groom who'd stepped in his path and looked about to stop him. "Unicorn food," he said. "From Gaius." The groom let him pass with a shrug.

The royal stables were peaceful, a meadow surrounded by a high wall, divided into various paddocks and a smallish pasture. These were the most valuable horses in all of Camelot, after all. Here the king's household was trained in horsemanship in complete privacy. Horses didn't always respect rank and Arthur said it was undignified to fall in front of the populace.

At the moment all the horses were penned in their stalls while the meadow held only one nervous, delicate occupant. Its coat was a clear, shining white, and it stood only a little taller than a pony. But its bone structure was as fine as a deer, the long spiral horn as sharp and deadly.

It stood at the far end of the meadow, long silvery tail swishing, almost brushing the ground. Merlin paused to admire it. Then he noticed that there was someone else, right near it, sitting on the fence. His blond hair caught the light, and he had familiar broad shoulders, wearing deep red riding leathers.

The unicorn was eating. Directly from Arthur's hand.

Merlin approached, wincing at the squeak of the pail handle which seemed entirely too loud now. Arthur looked up at him with a boyish, open smile, delighted, seeming about twelve years old.

"I thought it might like something sweet," Arthur said, his voice soft as if he were in the presence of something magical, as indeed he was. He pulled his hand away slowly as the unicorn finished the last of one apple, reached in and took another out of his pocket in a smooth motion. A bit of his normal haughtiness returned. "Looks like I was right."

The unicorn shied back. Then it seemed to smell the new apple. It nuzzled forward again, eager, like it was very hungry. Merlin couldn't resist and reached through the bars of the fence. Busy with the apple, the unicorn twitched a little under his touch, but ignored him as he stroked her neck.

Merlin wondered what Arthur know of unicorn lore, but the knowing glint in Arthur's eyes as he glanced from Merlin to the unicorn answered that. Arthur's smile became a warm smirk.

"Well, one can't live on sweets alone," Merlin said, holding the pail through the bars.

The unicorn reacted like the pail had come straight from the privy, jolting backward. It trotted all along the fence, shying towards it, head bobbing as if seeking a route of escape. Merlin felt sorry for it.

"Nice work, Merlin. It certainly isn't going to be eating _that_," Arthur sneered, insufferably smug that he'd solved the problem. "What rubbish did you bring?"

"Something from the Gaius, from the lore books," Merlin said.

Arthur sniffed the contents and drew back much the same way the unicorn had. "Obviously incorrect lore, and hardly deserving the name."

"I think... if it likes something sweet, maybe berries...." Merlin suggested.

"We should go pick some," Arthur agreed, definitive, turning to lead immediately.

Merlin frowned in confusion. "There are plenty of berries in the kitchens."

Arthur sighed melodramatically. "She wouldn't eat apples until I picked them myself. Obviously they tried this early on." He tossed Merlin an apple, and nudged his chin in the direction of the orchard. Merlin could just picture him climbing and jumping down from the apple trees that were just beginning to ripen.

"Her food should only be touched by... certain hands." That glint returned, along with a bit of a blush as he regarded Merlin. The look made him blush, too, like Arthur saw right through to his undergarments. Merlin folded his arms over his chest. "Naturally, the kitchen staff will all lie about it. The men would say that they had when they haven't, and the women that they hadn't when they had." Arthur rolled his eyes at the stupidity of servants.

"Let's go." He patted Merlin's arm, brushing by him. "At least with the two of us we know for sure."

Merlin unceremoniously dumped the contents of the pail on the ground and followed Arthur through the gate. The guard straightened at the sight of the prince, but Arthur paid him no mind. Then Arthur cut through a doorway, dragging Merlin into a section of the palace that was forbidden to all but the most upper ranked servants (which Merlin was not) and the royal family. Merlin had never been in here and looked around at the smooth walls, draped with tapestries, and arched ceilings.

"I was wondering. What if an invader dressed as a servant?" Merlin asked as they stepped out into an unfamiliar courtyard, then crossed it to the armory and the guards' quarters. Arthur knew Camelot like the back of his hand. Sleepy guards rose from their barracks and saluted the prince. He nodded at them brusquely but kept moving. "Wouldn't it be a simple matter to infiltrate the castle?"

"You can put a knight in livery but you can't make him act like a serf. We'd know by his bearing," Arthur answered off-handed, unconcerned. "Noble blood cannot be disguised."

"Ah." Merlin wasn't sure this was true. If it were, wouldn't fewer nobles have been surprised by bastards? He decided not to push it.

"Of course, you barely pass for a servant yourself. I've often wondered about your actual bloodline...." Arthur mused.

Huh. Merlin knew who his parents were, thank you very much. It was just that he had magic and so wasn't at the mercy of the nobles... and he supposed that Arthur did have a point. A lifetime of subservience left its mark.

They crossed straight through the barracks, and then climbed a windowless stair. There Arthur unlocked a heavy, wooden, and unfortunately iron-clad door. Merlin winced and avoided touching the doorknob as they passed through.

They were up on a guard's bridge leading to the outer wall, with a commanding view of the city and the surrounding countryside. Below them, merchants passed to and fro.

"Wow. I didn't even know this was here," Merlin said, looking over the edge of the bridge with wonder.

"Of course not," Arthur said. "You're not in the royal guard."

He strode forward, not giving Merlin a chance to have a good long look. It wasn't as if he'd ever get up here again.

"Hurry _up_, Merlin," Arthur complained from the other end of the bridge. "We haven't got all day."

With a huff, Merlin trotted over to him. A final stair and another locked, iron-clad door, brought them to a guardhouse just inside the gates of Camelot. Here the guards were far more alert.

"Sire!" They stood side by side as if prepared for a surprise inspection.

"As you were." They didn't relax at all, Merlin noted. "I am merely taking my leave for the afternoon. If the king should send for me, have him know that I will return by sunset," Arthur said in a bored tone.

"Yes, sire!"

As they passed under the great gates of Camelot, surrounded by people of lower rank who wouldn't recognize him without a circlet on his head, Arthur groused, "I'd look forward to the day when I'm not tracked like a small child, but that day will never come. I envy knights errant on quests, who can roam free for months at a time."

"Perhaps some day the king will send you on a quest," Merlin suggested helpfully.

Arthur favored him with a flat disbelieving stare worthy of Gaius.

"Or maybe not," Merlin ended lamely, looking at the ground.

Outside Camelot, beyond the main crossroads, their route dwindled to a dusty track. They passed an old man grazing his oxen in the greensward but were otherwise alone. Merlin wondered how far it was to the berries, and what kind Arthur had in mind. Blueberries? They were in season. Surely the unicorn wouldn't mind if they had a few themselves.

He turned a flash of a smile on Arthur. Before he'd come to Camelot he'd never have imagined the prince of the land, wading through marshy bushes, picking blueberries. Or other things besides. A prince had the pick of fair maidens, didn't he?

"I admit," Merlin began, greatly daring. "I was a little, well. Startled. About the unicorn." He gave Arthur a sly sideways glance.

Arthur didn't even ask what he meant. He snorted. "I'm not at all surprised about you. The innocent farm boy." He plucked a long stem of grass from the roadside.

"Farm boys aren't all that innocent," Merlin assured him with a laugh. "Usually," he confessed, embarrassed at this topic, yet he couldn't stop. "But I thought, well, you and Morgana are awfully close...."

"You know something about Morgana I don't?" the prince joked.

"No!" Merlin said quickly. He shoved back memories of a distressed Gwen apologizing profusely to Morgana as the unicorn reared up on its hind legs, slashing the air, while she simultaneously tried to calm the beast. It had taken magic to protect Morgana, even as he and Gwen both realized what this meant. "No, of course not!"

"And you think I would risk a bastard? On the king's ward? Oh, that would be a marvelous plan." Arthur's eyebrows shot up. He rolled his head and looked away. "Tell me, do you suppose my father would kill me, or have me flayed first?"

"Mmm. Boiled in oil probably." Merlin nodded in agreement.

"Yes." Arthur seemed thoughtful for a moment. They passed a streamlet, the water reduced by the long hot summer end. Merlin glanced over, because it was a likely spot for blueberries. But Arthur kept walking.

"In the interests of this... science... that Gaius is so on about," Arthur said, coughing into his fist. He glanced away. "How much, um," he waved a hand to fill in the blank, "are we talking about. I mean, purely to determine the degree of... well... the unicorn requires."

"The degree of... yes." Merlin understood. He snickered at the fact that neither one of them could say the word. He spread his arms and walked backward, facing Arthur and grinning. "I'm as pure as the driven snow."

"Right." Arthur clearly didn't believe him. He licked his lips, and asked, "Carnal thoughts?"

"Thoughts are not the real thing."

"That's a yes." His eyes crinkled. "Boys or girls?"

"What?!" Merlin was almost as shocked as he was amused. "Like I'm telling you!"

"Oooo. Both, or boys, my, my," Arthur said.

He was being quite churlish about it. Merlin was annoyed. "All right, what about you then?"

"You're the test subject. My tastes are strictly off-limits," Arthur said archly.

"Your 'tastes.' Now that's an interesting phrasing," Merlin teased.

Arthur abruptly changed the subject. "Self-pleasuring?"

"Oh, no." Merlin shook his head, smiling. "I'm not telling you unless you tell me."

"About the pleasuring?" Arthur gave him a suspicious glance as Merlin fell in beside him. Merlin nodded. "Yes," he admitted.

"Me, too."

"So we have a very liberal unicorn on our hands."

"Positively free-wheeling," Merlin laughed, giving Arthur a bright smile.

"All right: kissing."

"I kissed my mother all the time." Merlin shrugged.

"With _intent_," Arthur said, rolling his eyes.

Merlin winced at having to answer this one. But it was worth it to know about Arthur. He finally said, "Only the once."

He looked at Arthur expectantly. Arthur said nothing.

"Oh, come on, _I_ admitted it."

"Yes then," Arthur said, as if it were so difficult to admit. He added after a moment's hesitation, "More than once." He gave Merlin a sly sideways glance. "Boy or girl?"

"Can I hit a prince? Can I?"

"You enjoy the stocks, do you?" Arthur smirked.

Merlin huffed and answered the original question. Or rather, didn't answer. "I am not telling."

"That alone is quite... telling." Arthur lifted his chin with utmost dignity. "All right, fine. Keep your secrets. Have you ever had anyone's mouth on you?" He held up his forefinger. "And recall that this is invaluable scientific information."

It took Merlin only a moment to realize that he didn't mean kissing, which by process of elimination left....

"Oh." Merlin thought this over, imagining it. "Really? That would be... huh." The more he thought about it, the more interesting the idea became.

"I'm sensing a no in that, am I right?" Arthur's tone was as dry as dust.

"Yes, um, no, I mean, not ever, no," Merlin said.

"Same here, more's the pity." Arthur flung a bit of straw away in a petulant gesture. "And I suppose this means that you've never been on the giving end of such a transaction."

"Have you?"

"No, of course not," Arthur said, far too smoothly to Merlin's mind.

Merlin split into a grin. "Boy or girl?"

Then he realized with a blink how stupid that question was, and corrected himself before Arthur could tease him. "Wait. It would have to be...." He pulled up short, turning to face Arthur, stunned. "... oh."

"Are you deaf as well as stupid? I said, 'of course not,'" Arthur repeated slowly and loudly.

"Oh. Right. Of course. My mistake," Merlin stammered, unable to get the accompanying images out of his mind. Who had it been?

"That would make it one very liberal unicorn. Improbably liberal, in fact," Arthur stated.

"Yes. I see why one would ask the question," Merlin said, the point of the entire conversation becoming clear. "It would be very puzzling."

Arthur cleared his throat, ducking his head. "Unicorns work in mysterious ways."

Merlin was still boggling on the idea of Arthur with his mouth on... oh, it got more fascinating by the minute.

"By the way.... where are we going?" Merlin asked, glancing around. They had gone fairly far from Camelot yet had passed all the likely forested areas and were now on the verge of farmland. There was no sign of any lakes or berry bushes here.

Arthur stopped dead in the middle of the road. He turned slowly to Merlin. "You don't know?"

"No. I'm quite new to Camelot."

"Oh." Arthur raised a hand to his lip, looking around as well. "I'm not sure. I've been following you. I have never gone berry picking before. I wouldn't have the faintest clue where to look for one."

Merlin tittered. He turned in the middle of the road. They were at least an hour's walk from the city. He stifled the laugh as Arthur glared, but Arthur's embarrassed attempt to be intimidation only made it worse.

Arthur strode forward and visibly gathered his pride. "No matter. There's sure to be an inn or farmhouse sooner or later."

"Shouldn't we turn around and ask in Camelot?" Merlin glanced back worriedly.

"Everyone saw us cross the moat. If we came back to ask _directions_ we'd look like idiots."

This set Merlin off again. He pressed his lips together but a giggle escaped through his nose instead.

"The stocks, Merlin," Arthur threatened.

"Yes, I'm sure you'll explain this to the king. In detail."

"I don't have to _explain_ anything. I am the prince."

At last Merlin got control of himself and _explained_ to _his majesty_, "There's an inn about a half a day's walk from here." At Arthur's arched eyebrow, he said, "This is the route I took when I came to Camelot. But no, I still don't know where any berries are." He glanced back. "Although there might be some at that lake."

"Might be, could be, should be—we'll press on till we find someone who knows. Poor unicorn's going to be hungry thanks to you," Arthur said in frustration. "We should have brought the horses." He scowled at Merlin. "I'd assumed that they were much closer. If you hadn't set off on foot...."

Merlin declined to point out that it was Arthur who had set out and even led the way. For an hour. They trudged along the dusty road that seemed much longer and dustier now that Merlin knew they'd be pointlessly walking for the rest of the day. He weighed their discussion in his mind.

Finally, in the interest of fairness, looking down at his feet, Merlin blurted out, "It was boy." He clarified, "He was, I mean."

They paused, the silence strung out like a tight wire.

"What we were discussing earlier. But it was just a kiss," Merlin said.

"Ah." Arthur glanced at him, his eyes half-lidded as he looked Merlin up and down. "But it was the _only_ kiss."

"True." Merlin nodded once, grudgingly.

"A magical memory was it?"

Merlin refused in principle to answer. He was already regretting saying anything. They continued walking.

"Good," Arthur said with the subtle hint of a smile, seeming pleased for some reason. "Glad to hear it."

Merlin shot him a confused look, having no idea what he meant by that.

"When we reach the inn," Arthur began in a pompous tone, "I'll send a messenger to my father and let him know that we were... delayed." He cleared his throat. "We'll have to spend the night at the inn. I don't care to camp out under the stars when there's frost on the ground." He shot Merlin a quick, wicked grin. "At least now we know what's off limits."

"Oh, no. No, no." Merlin was back to those very bad images of Arthur, this time with himself inserted into the picture, and Arthur was his friend, and he didn't want to think of him like that! "Don't even consider it! For one thing we have no idea if being on the receiving end is against the unicorn's sensibilities."

Arthur stared at him in utter shock. His jaw worked until finally he managed a breathless laugh. He stood back, off balance, his eyes bright, and for a moment he looked like a skittish colt, awkward and shy. For the first time Merlin completely believed the unicorn.

"We're getting a little ahead of ourselves, aren't we?" Arthur said at last, once he'd recovered, although his cheeks were still flushed. "Above our station?"

"Oh, god...." Merlin dropped his face to his hands. An invisibility spell popped into his mind but he could hardly do it here, and anyway, he didn't carry powdered rhinoceros horn in his pockets.

Arthur put an arm companionably about his shoulders. "There, there. These feelings you have are perfectly natural." Merlin groaned, his face still in his hands. Arthur squeezed, and then took Merlin's arm as though he were walking him to a ball, tucking it through his own. "Everyone fantasizes about the prince. I assure you, I am quite used to it."

"I'm not sure if I want to kill myself, or you first," Merlin told him.

"Tut, tut, watch your tongue. I'm sure they have stocks at the inn, too," Arthur said, dragging him closer. "Now. Tell me. What is this you know about Morgana?"


End file.
